A Prolonged Separation

by Phil

I apologize for my protracted absence from the blog. As a penance, have a ridiculously long post.

The past month or so has been pretty crazy for my family. We've made the move from Tucson, AZ to Richmond, VA and are starting to settle in. It was an adventure to finally reach this point though.

All of our stuff was packed onto the moving truck and departed Tucson on June 28th. Whenever a moving company is involved in a cross-country move, they give you a window for when your stuff should arrive at the new location. Our estimated time of arrival was between the 6th to the 11th of July.

There's no point in going right to Richmond just to wait around for our stuff for a week. So the original plan was for Angie and our our son to fly to back home to Detroit on June 29th to see our families. I would take the car and do a road trip across the country with my mom for 5 days and meet her in Detroit. We would have a nice little one-year birthday party for our son and then depart together to our new home in Richmond!

Well, the car accident a week and a half before we were supposed to move put a giant wrinkle in both the car and our plans. Because the damage wasn't enough to total out the car, they had to repair it. However, the damages were so bad that it was going to take weeks to fix. Weeks. But we only has a week and a half before our move.

Change of plans!

They told me with complete confidence that the car repairs would be finished by July 8th. Not to worry! July 8th is your date. I believed them.

I bought a round trip plane ticket and flew with Angie and our son to Michigan to visit our families instead of driving. We had the first birthday party. It was fun. I'll write about that soon. Here's a photo.

At that point there was some uncertainty because of the conflicting date ranges. The car would be done in Tucson on July 8th. All of our possessions would be in Richmond some time between the 6th and 11th. Angie's dad valiantly volunteered to drive down and meet our things with Angie and our son. (Thanks again, Dad!) That's a 10 hour car trip with a one-year old. Valiant. Stuff of legend.

On July 5th, Angie got a phone call from the truck driver in possession of all our worldly goods would reach Richmond the next day. I waited around in Michigan for two days, ready to fly out on the 8th and get our car. It was perfectly timed so I could leave the airport, pick up the car and leave town again. My mom agreed to go with me on the road trip because it was going to be fun. Lots of sight seeing and cool times driving Route 66 and the Santa Fe Trail. Good Times!

You know that's not how it went, of course.

I got a phone call on July 7th, the day before I left, that there were part problems. Everything was fixed but when they test drove it, some of the parts were wonky (my term, not there's. If any mechanic ever used the word "wonky" to describe anything on a car, I'd immediately find a new mechanic. I, however, am not a mechanic and can throw wonky around willy-nilly.) They had ordered new parts and were hoping that they'd still have it done by the evening of the 8th.

Of course the parts didn't arrive on the 8th (a Friday!) so I had a weekend to sit around in Tucson and wait. So my mom and I made the best of it. We did all the touristy stuff that I always meant to do but never got around to.

We went to Tombstone. Oh, look, a gunfight.

Oh, more gunfights.

We saw the Titan Missile Museum.

The Pima Air and Space Museum.

At that point, I was pretty antsy. I enjoyed seeing all these attractions. I'm glad that I could finally get around to it and my mom and I had fun. But I was separated from my family by thousands of miles just waiting for a stupid car to get fixed. While I made the best of the situation, I was ready to leave Tucson and get back to my family.

Monday rolls around! The parts were to arrive on Monday and I can finally move on!

Except, they didn't arrive.

I was pretty grumpy Monday night. I was also watching all of the planning I did for our road trip slowly erode to nothing. With the condensed timeline we were looking at, we were going to have to really haul to get to Richmond in a decent timeframe. I was assured, again, that it would happen on Tuesday.

Making the best of it, again, we went to see more sights. We drove up Mount Lemmon and it was stunning.

I was alternately grumpy and in awe all day.

I was also in awe because of the houses with castle aspirations. Did you have any idea Tucson has at least three houses that dreamt so big? Are there more? I don't know!

Finally, Tuesday night, the car was finished. They even had someone stay late so we could pick it up. That night, we drove the 4 hours to Flagstaff, AZ.

From there on, Wednesday through Friday, we drove 12 hours a day. It was a grind. We began fairly early, around 8 am, everyday, determined to squeeze in at least part of the sight seeing that we originally had planned. It put us into our hotels late every night but I was going to make an attempt to enjoy the drive.

We saw a lot on this trip.

A lot of beauty.

Some craziness.

The sign on this defunct hotel says "70 Years of Continuous Hospitality."

A wild fire outside Albuquerque, NM.

Ghost town of Two Guns, AZ, possibly the craziest place I've ever been.

But I also learned a lot about myself. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I've changed in ways so gradually that I never even realized it.

I'm no longer the ultra-independent person that I was 12 months ago. And I don't see that as a bad thing. I was separated from my family for a combined total of 10 days and it was fun for the first few. Really, there was a certain level of fun during the entire thing but as the trip went on, I was feeling a pull towards my family that I can't explain. By the end of Friday, I couldn't wait to get home- a term I'd already attached to a place I've never really been. But it's where my family was and that meant home.

In the past, before the kid, my wife and I would need to spend time apart for things- conventions, conferences and the like- and, while it bummed me out, it was okay. We're both adults with a certain level of independence. We miss each other but manage nicely.

With the addition of the kid, there's a whole other level of pull for the family. This 10 days was the longest I've ever spent away from him. And there were several layers to the desire to get back. I knew that my wife was having to deal with the unpacking and house preparation alone, on top of caring for the kid. That's a lot to put on anyone and I felt a certain amount of guilt for not being available. But on top of that, I just wanted to see my family.

I realize now that I've willing let go of a certain amount of independence. Getting away for a few days is fine and dandy still. Any prolonged separation, though, and it suddenly begins to feel like I'm not a complete person anymore. There really is something missing in my life if my wife and son aren't in it. Intellectually, I knew that before. This trip, however, made it very real emotionally and physically. I felt their absence. I feel bad for making my mom put with my increasing grumpiness as the trip went on.

By the end I was sore and I ached for a few days afterward- the price paid for sitting in the same position, driving, for hours on end for several days straight. But I'm glad it wasn't any longer. I fear I would have gone feral within a few more days. Speech would have left me and I would have ended up as some horror movie version of a high plains Mogli, hunting rabbits and ripping into them with my teeth without even cooking them.

Having kids can drive you crazy. It turns out, once you have them, being away from them can drive you even crazier.