The Sex Talk

I think it's time. It's nothing my son is saying or doing to show his curiosity, he really, really doesn't appear to be curious at all, it's just that he's in 5th grade now and I'm hearing that that's when public schools tend to start so I'm trying to gather the courage.

When I was about 14 my mother threw a book on my bed, Preparing for Adolescence, and then ran. At the time I didn't know what she was thinking, at 14 I still wasn't a reader. Expecting me to read a book was about as preposterous as, well, as my mom giving me the sex talk. Or whatever it was she did.

It mostly stayed closed on the bed. I stared at it and listened to Ozzy through my head phones. This thing was like two hundred pages.

About two hours later she asked if I'd read it. I said "yes." we didn't look at each other. "Do you have any questions?" I said "no," when I was pretty much already out of the room. That was it, the most uncomfortable moment of my life.

So now I get the nervousness. Didn't think I would be. But I so very AM. I have to say the words erection and vagina to my 10 year old son that still thinks that you have to be in love and married to be pregnant.

Not going to be lame though, I've already started prepping. Reading about how to present it. How to (make an effort to) have him keep it to himself and not share the info with his 8 year old sister.

Not going to run the gammit just yet with STD talk and wet dreams. I think I'll do this in installments. Right now I'm going to stick with how babies come to be, and that love and marriage have nothing to do with it. Should, but don't.

Waiting for the right time. Fishing trip? Keep him home from school one day? He's going to remember this for the rest of his life. Go get ice cream? Use the banana split as an ice breaker?

He's going to know the truth about babies before he knows the truth about Santa.

Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick.