Lovingly correcting them

by Carlos

As a Catholic, I've just entered into the Easter season after having gone through the Lenten season and the Triduum and I see that something in my parenting has changed. The Lenten season is often one where I see that I am not the good person I thought I was, but this Lenten season was also filled with the realization that Jesus already knows who I am and loves me anyway. The more that I saw that I was capable of all sorts of unloving acts, the more I saw that He loved me.

This love of Jesus is what brought about a real change in my parenting.
In the middle of Lent, it was brought to my attention that my children were less disciplined than they should be. In order to fix the problem, I knew I'd have to crack the whip; I'd have to set down the rules and correct those who broke them. And I'd have to correct the kids as soon as they broke them; no more "alright, I'll give you just one more chance." They take advantage of that line all too often.

But in order to set better discipline in the house, I thought I was going to have to get very angry and be yelling much more. I figured as they followed the rules more, then I wouldn't have to yell so much. But, thanks to this grace of Lent, that wasn't the case.
I began to see myself less as the 'police' of the house and more of a 'helper' for the kids. I began to see that they needed correction in order to live happily in our society. For instance, it would be good for my kids not to scream and cry in order to get something, but to use their words and ask politely. When I saw them throwing a temper tantrum because they couldn't watch more TV, I stopped taking it personal and started seeing that they need to deal with life's up and downs in a better manner; for their emotional health, it needed to change.
Discipline became easier. I called them on every infracture they committed and I punished them. I was able to do it calmly, and when their punishment was over, we talked about why they got punished. I'd often say that I'm sorry I had to punish them, but emphasized that it won't happen as long as they follow the rules.

And something began to change in them, too. They began to hug me with sincerity after we talked and they would make up with their sisters if they were being corrected for fighting with them.

And, I don't yell. It's really nice. I like it much better. Calling them out every time they jump on the bed or hang on the door knob gets a little tedious, but they're doing it less. The tantrums are shorter, they go to bed quicker, and... well, they aren't perfect. They're kids. But this system is much better than my last. Correcting them out of love is working much better than scolding them for not behaving.