No Focus

I really wonder how others do it.

How they manage to get their work done when there are so many other things that need one's attention.

I've been doing this whole stay-at-home work/dad thing for a few years now, and I've noticed one very important side effect of the whole thing:

My productivity has been getting progressively worse.

There was once a time where I could sit for hours at a stretch on a drawing, or spend all day coding. Now? I feel like I can't get into any kind of a groove because something else keeps coming up.

It could be something that needs be taken care of around the house, like laundry or yardwork. I don't think I ever realized exactly how long it takes to clean a house.

It could be other obligations that need to be taken care of, like working on the Ten Ton Studios site (and generally checking in on things there) or remembering that I'm (again) a few days late on a blog post here.

There are certainly family responsibilities that I need to make sure get taken care of. I need to make sure Brady gets to her ice skating lessons, and that her homework is done correctly. I need to make sure that Stacey has enough time to get her work done (being the primary breadwinner, she does - and should - have priority), and to be there for her when she is having difficulties with her job.

I also feel like (rightly or not) I need to make my presence known on the web. One of the things I've learned about being a freelance artist, is that the only person who can promote you is you. So, I've made sure to show up on the various social sites, and create sketches and drawings to generally let people know I exist, and this is the work I do.

I wish I could say that my time was wasted away playing video games, but I've barely touched my previous-gen systems (and I don't even own a current-gen system).

I used to be a lot more selfish about my time and my work. It used to be all about me, and my work, and my art, and nobody else mattered. Now the opposite is true: my work has become secondary to everyone and everything else. As a result, my productivity has become worse. This was not an overnight thing; it happened, slowly. This change in myself was years in the making. I just never noticed it.

If I manage to get a full day of work done, it's a miracle. My focus is gone. When I do work, my mind is constantly thinking about all of the other things I'm supposed to be doing (even now I'm thinking that there are other things that need my attention). Because I'm not focused on my art, it has not been up to the standards I feel I should be at. That in turn makes me doubt what I'm working on. I'm behind on projects that should have been done months ago.

I see other stay-at-home parents/workers getting their work done, and I can't figure out how they do it.

Worst of all? I'm complaining. I know I'm complaining. I don't normally complain. I hate complaining.

I would love to be an external person and blame all these problems on everyone and everything else. But the simple fact is that I'm an internal person. I know the only person responsible for where I am mentally at this point is myself.

What I'm doing is not impossible. I know that my time management is not what it should be, and could be a lot better. I shouldn't let doubt in my abilities creep into what time I do have to focus on my drawing. I can become better at managing work time, chore time, promotion time, and family time. I could even learn to be selfish once in a while.

In the end, the only one that can truly help me is me.

I just need to figure out how. That's what's proving to be the difficult part.