Alcohol; my seldom visited friend

by Carlos

God bless my grandfather; he never fails to offer me a drink, even if the alcohol isn't his. He's visiting from the mainland and I remember that when we lived closer to him, that I had become a little bitter at how insistent he was that I take a drink with him. But lately, I'm beginning to see that it wasn't his insistence at all that bothered me. It's that I could not indulge more.

We all went to the beach this past week and had a blast. We stayed for two nights which was just perfect. Both nights we BBQed and had more than enough food, and drink. Oh, how I wanted to drink!

I felt free enough to drink. There was certainly good booze. I didn't have to drive home. My wife was encouraging me to drink freely. And I did have a little bit of some really good wine. But all the while I felt this little trigger; a switch that hadn't been turned.

I've come to realize that the switch is the presence of my kids. If they are there, I cannot drink much. If they aren't, I freely drink. It's as if their presence means that I am still 'On Duty;' like the beach life guard signs.

I'm not so sure it's my instincts always prowling for danger. I'm not so good a parent to say that. I'm sure that I'm not afraid to drink in front of them, I haven't done anything too embarrassing under the influence in a long time. I think drinking with my kids around feels a little like I'm mixing work with pleasure. I think that I'll get a little upset if I'm relaxing and feeling good after a few great beers and then I have to put on the parent face and discipline my children if they do something inappropriate. I guess I'm afraid of having a buzz kill.

I don't think it's bad thing. Sure, I want to drink more often and I want to drink more when I get the chance, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I mean, I REALLY appreciate drinking now, when it's more than just a glass of wine because the kids aren't around. I love tequila. I love jagermeister. I love good beer (am I sounding a little crazed?). And now that I can't have them so readily, I honestly can say that I appreciate them more.

A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about a pool party. I'm still so happy about that night I got to drink SO much. And honestly, I didn't drink a whole lot, it's just I didn't have to be a parent and so I was able to drink freely.

Maybe, I'll be able to drink more when the kids are older. And maybe at that time I will be able to be stoked on just a few drinks versus the way I drank as a college student. No matter what, I look forward to the next time!