When will they ever learn??

by Carlos

As a professional teacher, we used to talk about Mastery. If a child could perform a task with such and such accuracy, we said that the child Mastered that skill. So, how can I judge if one of my children has Mastered a skill? I would have to give them an assessment; a test, right? But testing my kids is not something I really want to do over and again. It actually seems a little cruel in some respects.

Should I test my children by wetting their feet and seeing if they'll run across the bathroom tiles after I told them not to? (why do we put tiles in there in the first place?) Should I put a lighter out in front of them to see if they play with it after I told them not to? Seems cruel, eh? But I wonder if it's necessary.

My little girl Anna ran up to me yesterday crying. "Papi! Papi! A gollen gobe i tuck in my ose!" What?! "A gollen gobe i tuck up my ose!" She's pointing to her nose. Lani runs up and tells me that she said, "A golden globe is stuck up my nose." How is it that children who are still learning to speak can understand and translate for each other??

With a flashlight pointing straight into her right nostril I can see an orange sparkly ball. I don't know what a golden globe is, but I'm pretty furious. I'm not mad that she got something stuck up her nose one time. I'm pissed because she got something stuck up her nose TWO times! She did this before!! We actually talk about this often. 'Don't STICK anything up your nose!' How many times do I have to say that?! (I sound like my parents when I was a kid.)

The last time this happened, we tried a slew of techniques to get it out. I even tried blowing through her mouth to pop it out of her nose and even sucking out her nose with my mouth. Do you know what comes out of a child's nose when you suck on it?! Apparently not the seed that she put up there, but everything else imaginable.

So, what possessed her to put this 'golden globe' up there this time?? The world may never know. But there it was. This little orange sparkly ball was up her nostril taunting me. It was saying, 'Nah nah nih boo boo, you can't get me!' like it was the ginger bread man. The last time, we had to go to the hospital. It was really embarrassing and a total time warp.

The little bead, AKA golden globe, came out easily this time. I think all the crying produced some good lubricating snot and she blew it out her nostril. It came out like a rocket bouncing off the floor, shiny with boogers.

So, has she mastered the skill of not putting anything up her nose? No.