A Plague Upon My House

by Matt

(cough, cough)

I'm sick.

I have the typical change of season cold, complete with coughing, sneezing, insomnia, and hacking up of green phlegm.

(I'm going to wait while the weak hearted get grossed out, throw up, and then come back to my captivating blog.)

And we all know where it came from. It came from those dirty, little, virus carrying, snot-wiping, hand not-washing, drink sharing, petri dishes that grow all sorts of germs:


Kids.


Our story begins a few weeks ago. L was a little slow that morning. She sat at the breakfast table with a glazed look over her eyes. It wasn't a school day for her, so she had gotten enough sleep. While her & E worked on their plates, I ran to the living room to check my email. When I returned, L had her face pressed against the chair, with her eyes sunken in.

I asked her, "L...you ok?"

As she opened her mouth to respond, the previous day's dinner erupted from her face, greeting me with heat & pungent odor. I scooped her up off her chair and into the bathroom. After awhile, she seemed calmer and hadn't vomited in some time. I put her on her own couch in the living room, complete with bucket; E got put on the other couch, and I jumped into the shower.

After I finished shaving, I heard a scream from the living room. I threw open the bathroom door, and ran over to the living room.

L was throwing up into the bucket, but the scream wasn't coming from her.

I looked over at E, and saw what looked to be a person seeing a man transform into a werewolf. Her reaction was like all those blonde ladies in those '50s movies, and what they were screaming about. Only there was no Creature From The Black Lagoon, or THEM!. It was only her older sister, puking her brains out.

It took everything I had not to laugh my brains out.

I quickly picked up L (still laughing), took her into the bathroom, placed her in front of the toilet, and put her hair in a ponytail. (still laughing) I ran back, and grabbed E to calm her down. (still laughing)

This scenario repeated for three more days while L recovered. And E reacted the same way every time. I wish I could have gotten it on film.

Once the flu had passed, L & E got their 4 yr & 2 yr check-ups, respectively. They were definitely run down from these, and that's how they picked up this cold thingie.

Now when I get a cold, it hits me hard. It can linger for days. This current one is on it's 6th day. The same is true for E. She'll have a runny nose, and it will last for a week. L gets something and it seems to turn around pretty quickly. Usually, it lasts only a few days.

And when they get these things, of course we get them. Carrie & I are right there wiping noses, washing hands, and getting new drink cups every few swigs. Carrie has the benefit of super-metabolism thanks to her pregnancy. Yet even she has succumbed to her children's plague.

So here we are, two sick parents with two relatively healthy kids. I still have to wash and change our sheets so we can get rid of this bug. L & E rarely let these thing affect them. They're running around, full speed, as if their metabolisms aren't being attacked by these super destructive viruses! Where's that scientist from the first Blade, when I need her? (Shout-out, Angie!)

(cough, cough)

Whoops. Gotta take my antibiotics.

And wash myself in antibacterial gel.