Keep your wife off the ledge

by Steve

The stay at home dad is, still, an unusual thing. So, the focus of conversation tends to center around our perceptions about it. How it makes us see life differently, how hard it is for us to take on such an unconventional role. I'm not complaining. I love the attention. But, often times I think that there is too much focus on how the dad is adjusting to it. This whole role reversal thing plays havoc with more than just the dad.

I have to keep reminding myself that women have been doing this for quite some time. They were home in the cave from the beginning, teaching their little neander-tykes not to play with the kitty cats with the 12-inch fangs. And until Michael Keaton blazed the trail in the 1980's it was, pretty much, strictly a women's role. Try breaking a habit that's been developing for 40,000 years.

So, while this is a role that can be difficult for men to adjust to, don't let it escape you that it's pretty hard for women too. They've got all those years (I think I said 50,000) of maternal instinct screaming at them to stay with their children, but they wake up every day, they suck it up, and they go to work.

I would imagine that that maternal voice isn't so easy to ignore. I would imagine it doesn't take naps. It gnaws at them like a 3 year old asking why... why... why... why... why... (if you didn't get that, you will). Then add the pressure of being the family's chief, or sole, provider, and we've got a situation that we need to keep an eye on.

So what do we do about it? Damned if I know. Please suggest something. What I do know is that there is no easy answer when it comes to women and emotions. Even though my wife is at work she wants a play-by-play of what happens while she's gone. If I tell her that something major happened while she was at work, I know that it bothers her. She wanted to be there. If I didn't tell her, and she found out later, it would bother her because she'd feel out of touch.

I just thank God that both of my kids took their first steps while my wife was home. I can picture the scene if I had to call her at work to tell her that her little boy just took his first steps ever. "yep, first steps ever! It was amazing... Hey, look at that. They're doing a live action shot on the news. Some woman is climbing onto the ledge of a building! I think she's holding a phone. You know... she has a dress just like yours..."

I think that all we can do is to let them know we understand that this is difficult for them too. Probably more than for us. Appreciate. Try to make it less of an "its all about me" thing. Guys tend to do that a lot. I tend to do that a lot.

I'm just saying, they ignore those 60,000 years of instinct all because they've decided that it's the best thing for their family, and I get way more credit for doing this than any woman ever did. But I do love the attention.

Dibs on the post about toddlers asking "why... why... why..."