On Discipline

by Doug

Discipline.

Punishment.

These were things I hated when I was a kid. Not that I knew what those terms were at the time, but hated them anyway. All I knew is I hated when i got in trouble.

Why should I get punished for doing something wrong! I said I was sorry and I wouldn't do it again! Why send me to my room, or take away my toys, or (God Forbid!) get a spanking!

I remember the sickness in my stomach I would get when I got busted by my parents. The anger I felt (usually after my parents were out of sight/earshot) when I got punished. It wasn't fair! Why me? If I was a parent, i wouldn't do that to my child!

Fast forward a couple of decades....

Brady doesnt get in trouble much. She's actually a pretty easy kid to deal with. A little insane at times, yes...but that's just being a kid. And compared to some other kids we know...let's just say

Stacey and I consider ourselves very lucky.

But she is a little kid. And this kid will sometimes push the boundary of what she can get away with.

We once had an issue where, instead of doing when she was told and go to bed, she was up and playing.

I went in once, told her to go to bed.

"Okay!"

Ten minutes later, she's up playing.

Stacey goes in, tells her to go to bed. It was a school night, and if she didn't, she was going to get punished.

"Okay!"

Ten minutes later, she's up playing.

Finally, we went in, took away the radio she listens to when she sleeps, and told her enough was enough, and that she was going to bed right now.

You'd have thought she was about to get ten lashes with a belt. Crying! Pitching a fit! Begging! Pleading! "I can't go to sleep without the radio! I'm scared!"

I'll admit, I was starting to soften. But then, something clicked in my head. Negotiating is one thing -- we will sometimes negotiate on things like if she gets to watch one more Tom and Jerry cartoon in exchange for story before bed. Small stuff. But if we didn't put our foot down, she wasn't going to learn that she couldn't always get her way.

I point this out because Stacey actually has to deal with what happens if you don't teach your kids that actions have consequences, on an almost daily basis. She has dealt with students who, because they cheated on a test, would beg, and plead, and pitch a fit until hopefully she would reverse the zero she gave them. They couldn't wrap the notion that their action resulted in an unfavorable consequence, and that was that, around their heads.

I have mentioned that my wife teaches at the collegiate level, right?

So, that was that. We told Brady we loved her.We told her we came in several times asking her to do what she was told, and she ignored us. So, this was her punishment, and she was going to have to accept that.

She wasn't happy. She cried and cried, saying she was sorry, and she won't do it again (promise!). She didn't understand, and I'm sure she was angry at us. Hell, she probably said to herself after we left that she wouldn't do this to her kid.

I get what my parents taught me all those years ago, even though I hated it. At least now as an adult I get it.

And Brady will hopefully as well.