Trend Setters

by Steve

For all of it’s problematic, hectic, unpredictable qualities, I still can’t figure out why more men don’t want to do this job.

Do you know what I’ve never heard? I’ve never heard of a boy getting mixed up with a gang because he had too good a relationship with his father. I’ve never heard of a stripper crediting her dad’s encouragement and unwavering support for her career success.
What I have heard… a whole lot, is the term “lack of a positive male role model."

For some reason, I don’t pretend to know why, the role of a man is crucial to how boys and girls turn out. It’s a spot that has to be filled. And if it’s not, they find a way to fill it on their own.

It’s bad for a boy. He needs a role model, and he is going to find one somewhere. If no one is stepping up, he’ll pick another. Usually the wrong one, an older kid that everyone else thinks is cool, but that a good parent would hate. And that is who he’s going to go out of his way to impress. Bad road to go down.

I think it’s worse for a girl though. Instead of seeking out a role model, she’s going to seek out more attention from boys. There is just so much out there connecting an absent or uninvolved father to promiscuity, then sexually aggressive behavior, early pregnancy, bad career choices (described above and worse), bad relationships and all around bad choices in men.

How involved does a father have to be? I don’t know. But I do know that I’ll never have to ask the question, “Was I involved enough?” How the hell could I possibly be more involved? To my kids I’m this thing… this pariah, that won’t go away. Every time they turn around, there I am, being all involved.

But, from what I gather, my kids are likely going to be more self reliant, avoid abusive relationships, perform better academically, have less chance of ever becoming depressed, deal better with authority, assert their opinions, stand up for themselves and resist peer pressure.

Not only that, but as it turns out, how they are parented will likely be how their kids are parented, and so on . We’re trend setters, men, and that sounds like a pretty good trend to set.

I understand that you don’t have to stay at home with the kids to be an involved father. But if an involved dad is like this Rand-McNally guide map for a child’s life, we’re like freaking Google Earth.