On Turning a Frown Upside Down

by Doug

It's easy to get frustrated, I've discovered.

When Brady was born, I got frustrated with the night time feedings. I got frustrated when she was crying constantly, and I couldn't figure out why. I got frustrated with seeing my wife head off to work, while I'd hope to get even a couple of hours of my own work in, and hope that I got some semblance of a comic page done.

I got frustrated when I'd start to get some semblance of momentum going, and then would have to put the brakes on because Brady woke up, and it was time to switch modes. I got frustrated because once she was taken care of (sometimes a long while later), I'd try to get back to drawing, and get nowhere because I was not in the same mindset I was in before (I honestly don't know if other artists have this problem, but I've found it's much easier to switch off Artist Mode than turn it back on. It's like you have to prime the switch or something).

I was frustrated that the life I was accustomed to was gone, while it felt like everryone else's lives were moving along just fine.

I thought that as Brady got older, that things would be easier. And in a way, it did. She was off to day care, and then to Kindergarten, and now First Grade. I had more time to work. But there was house work to be done. And other responsibilities. Commitments. Things piling up. Things that I needed to focus my attention on.

And then there was the guilt. I didn't expect that. The guilt that I wasn't spending the time I should be with Stacey and Brady. So, my work would be put on hold, and I would try to be a good husband and dad. Now there was tug-of-war between frustration about my potential career going nowhere so I could be with my family, and guilt that I was being a bad person because I wanted to pursue my career, and time with my family would be hurt in the process.

Then the self-pity would arrive to go along with the frustration and guilt. I mean, real "Woe is Me" stuff.

Why me? Why are things being such a pain in the ass? Why am I having such a hard time?

Am I even doing a good job with all this? Am I a good enough artist? Am I a good husband? A good father?

And then I get this:

And I would know exactly what the answer is.

It's amazing how effective that can be. How well that can turn me around; both in improving my mood, but also in giving me confidence.

It's the reminder that, yeah, I'm doing okay. Things are good. The comics will get done. My art doesn't suck. The house work will get done. The commitments will get fulfilled. I can do all that, while still being a good husband and father.

And it's a reminder that my daughter loves me.

I have to say: it's a hell of a way to turn a frown upside down.