Horrible thing to say Reply

by Carlos

My goodness! Steve touched the very heart and soul of a Stay at home dad. At least in my opinion. This has been a struggle for me for years and only now am I able to articulate what the struggle is.

Now, this is my opinion based on my experiences and some things that I've come across. I don't want to start a battle of the sexes, but "what is a man's role?" has been on my mind for a long time and it always includes the question "what is a woman's role?"

Ultimately, I believe I'm doing the right thing by staying at home with my daughters. My wife has had some pretty big dreams as a child and she is chasing them right now. I have had no such ambitions and so I am doing what my wife, and ultimately what the family, needs me to do. I am giving her the opportunity to chase down those dreams. And she has been successful, so I must be giving her what she needs.

However, that doesn't fulfill me. It's not satisfying. And now I see it; I have no goal. There is no end to this, no game winning shot, no end result. And I believe that men really aren't meant to raise children. There, I said it. BUT that is a VERY general statement. It is not a RULE. I simply don't believe that men are satisfied with nurturing children. AND, yes, I do believe that women ARE satisfied by it. Again, that is not a rule.

I cannot say that I've come to the conclusion that ALL women must stay at home and ALL men must be career men. It's simply not my experience. But my experience does tell me that children should be reared by the parents. Hence, I am a stay at home dad. My experience tells me that THIS situation that I am in IS the best that it can be. However, for my own sanity, it cannot stay this way. And I do believe that my sanity is, at least in part, important for the family as well.

I've been praying like crazy for a while now about having a goal. And I see now that the Lord gives to me what I've been running from ever sense I stopped working; mine is to be a teacher. I'm trained in it. I've done it. I don't believe for a second that I'm very good at it. But, as scary as it seems to me that being a teacher is where I am headed, I'm very excited to have a goal. I believe that a goal is fulfilling to me, and I believe for all men. Even if we don't reach our goal, having one gives us a sense of direction and purpose. I know that can be said of every person who has a goal regardless of gender, but I do believe it's especially important for men.

I have no idea how long it'll be until I return to the classroom full time. But I'm satisfied that I can gain more skills and knowledge about teaching while I wait to get there. I hope my girls, if they are to get married, will have the luxury and the love to stay home if they have kids. I'm still sending them to college because I want them to fully choose to stay at home. I don't want them to feel that they have no choice. My mother stayed at home with me for 10 years and she is now extremely successful in her career. And so the same could be for my daughters, or even for me.

Once again, this is just my opinion based upon my experience and what I've come across.