by Carlos
I have no idea why, what I'm about to tell you, is so important in my life, but it is. This event was crucial to my peace in doing what I am doing in this house.
It probably has to do with how I label myself. If you had asked me before I was married who I was, I would have said a number of things; I'm a Christian, a capoeirista, a suitor (to my now wife). Teaching was my profession, but I don't think I labeled myself as such. However, when I started taking care of the kids, it's like I didn't know what to call myself. My schedule change was so drastic.
When my buddies don't pick up their phone, I hear, "Hi, you've reached (name) at (company). Please leave a message." What goes on my message? "Hi, you've reached Carlos, caretaker of the 3 princesses at their princess palace..." What do I put?
I once saw a mom whom I hadn't seen in a while. We were chatting and we decided to try and set up a play group. But instead of exchanging numbers, she gave me her card. It blew me away! It said, "Mom of...." and the names of her three kids. Is that what I am?! I didn't like the way that it made me feel; as though my identity was reduced some connectivity to my children, like I didn't exist without them.
You know what really used to get me? those stupid applications that seem to flock to me asking me my occupation! Damn, I hated those things!! What do I put; stay-at-home dad,' do I put 'unemployed'? I mean what is a 'stay-at-home dad' anyway? Aren't I a dad even if I earn a pay check?
So, before I get to the point, I have to realize that everyone's situation is really different. In some families, the dad works part time, or from home. So, mom is there some times to do things. I have even met some families who hire a nanny one day a week so that both parents get a little time off. In my family, my wife, who is Fantastic! by the way, has to work 80 hours a week. She does A LOT around the house when she gets home, but 80 hours at her job really limits her time at home. (By the way, she's not a workaholic, she must put in 80 hours-that's the nature of her job)
Let me get to the point.
So, one day this cop comes to my house to ask me about a car that was involved in an accident. I told her that I had sold that car a few months earlier, it's not mine. She tells me that I have to go down to the station and fill out a paper and explain that I sold the car. You gotta be kidding me!? That's not my problem! Can't you do these things online?
Anyway, I'm praying the whole way down to the station, "Why me? Why this? What's this for?" When I get there, the cop at the desk hands me a paper; name, address, phone number, and -my favorite!- occupation. I decided to just leave the occupation part blank. But you know cops, they notice everything.
"You gotta fill this part out," as he hands the paper back to me.
"Ahhh, I don't know what to put there. I mean, I stay at home with the kids and I take care of them."
He looked me in the eye and said the most simple thing . "Then you're a home maker. Just put that."
Like a revelation, the last 4 years of my life flashed through my head; all the cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, driving, grocery shopping, laundry, changing sheets, vacuuming, reading kids' books... everything came to my mind at once. Suddenly a big weight lifted from me. Wow! I have no idea why I like that. But the truth is the truth.
I am a home maker.
I may not be a good one, I may struggle with it often, but that's what I do. My occupation is a home maker.
So, before I get to the point, I have to realize that everyone's situation is really different. In some families, the dad works part time, or from home. So, mom is there some times to do things. I have even met some families who hire a nanny one day a week so that both parents get a little time off. In my family, my wife, who is Fantastic! by the way, has to work 80 hours a week. She does A LOT around the house when she gets home, but 80 hours at her job really limits her time at home. (By the way, she's not a workaholic, she must put in 80 hours-that's the nature of her job)
Let me get to the point.
So, one day this cop comes to my house to ask me about a car that was involved in an accident. I told her that I had sold that car a few months earlier, it's not mine. She tells me that I have to go down to the station and fill out a paper and explain that I sold the car. You gotta be kidding me!? That's not my problem! Can't you do these things online?
Anyway, I'm praying the whole way down to the station, "Why me? Why this? What's this for?" When I get there, the cop at the desk hands me a paper; name, address, phone number, and -my favorite!- occupation. I decided to just leave the occupation part blank. But you know cops, they notice everything.
"You gotta fill this part out," as he hands the paper back to me.
"Ahhh, I don't know what to put there. I mean, I stay at home with the kids and I take care of them."
He looked me in the eye and said the most simple thing . "Then you're a home maker. Just put that."
Like a revelation, the last 4 years of my life flashed through my head; all the cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, driving, grocery shopping, laundry, changing sheets, vacuuming, reading kids' books... everything came to my mind at once. Suddenly a big weight lifted from me. Wow! I have no idea why I like that. But the truth is the truth.
I am a home maker.
I may not be a good one, I may struggle with it often, but that's what I do. My occupation is a home maker.
Or domestic engineer :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed it Carlos.
ReplyDeleteI'm commenting on my own blog!! the day after I loaded this blog, I had to call the Federal jury application agency. They wanted to know if I was eligible to serve jury duty. But when I told them I was a homemaker, I was labeled ineligible. Ha! I'm a homemaker!!
ReplyDelete