"Next!"

by Matt

Yesterday was my birthday, so today we took a field trip to the Secretary of State to renew my license. (Yes, technically, I drove illegally to the office. My picture is probably up already at our post office.) If you've spent anytime in one of these facilities, then you know it's probably not the best idea to bring two toddlers around lunch time to a room full of crowded, cranky people. What can I say? I like to defy the odds.

We walked in and grabbed our number. I asked L to read it out loud.

"Zero. Two."

I looked up at the digital tally board:

58. %*$&.

We found two seats (for all three of us) right in front of the center counter. We sat next to a nice lady, who eventually moved over when it cleared, to give us more room. We have one of their backpacks, packed with crayons, coloring books, books, & other stuff to distract them during church. This time, we tossed in their water bottles and brought it with us.

I scan the room a few times, to keep myself from falling asleep. (It's been a long week.) I see people from (what seems to be) all walks of life. Men in business suits are thumbing through the newspaper. Parents & children are waiting to get the first driver's license. People that would probably be called "lone wolves" to some, renewing their tags. And hot stay-at-home dad's that are successfully entertaining their kids. [Some details may be exaggerated.]

We had trouble getting out of the house today, so we didn't make it down until lunchtime. This alone puts me behind the 8 ball. Hungry, cranky kids are like Godzilla. They will not rest until they have knocked over a few buildings, and eaten a few people. And maybe fought giant moths, or mechanized doubles of themselves.


As soon as we sat down, I heard:

L: "Daddy! I want a snack!"

E: "'Nack! 'Nack!" I want 'Nack!"

I didn't pack a snack, but I told them we'd eat soon. (In the event of the sun exploding and destroying our planet, I will be telling my kids, "Yeah, we're good. I'll take you to McDonalds later.") I pulled out the coloring books, and they were immediately distracted

67.

There was some fighting over crayons, but not much. They share pretty well. Once they got sick of the coloring books, they pulled out their storybooks and we read some of those. Very. Sllooowwwwlllllyyyyyy.

74.

They took off their coats, and played with a talking Elmo phone and an Elmo magna doodle thing. In between switching toys, L had some observations:

"Who is that? What did he say?"

"I think he's mad."

"What if they don't let you drive? How will we get home?"

"I want to go to that place with the sandwich on it."

87

After the books were put away, I could have told you three days ago, what would be next: breaking into song. The "Tangled" soundtrack has been big in my house the past week or so. It was all Rapunzel for awhile. I think most of the people were entertained. Usually when two little girls that age are singing, it's hard for it not to be cute. Actually, I should have put a hat out. Those princess movies aren't paying for themselves.

97

At this point, they line up the next 5 after 97, which included Zero Two. We quickly packed everything up, and made our way over to the lineup. Nobody else was heading over, and it became just myself & the girls. Ever body else split. Score!

We stepped to the counter. E is crying/asking for me to pick her up. I told her to hold on, one second. This stopped her asking and doubled her crying. I grabbed her hand, which calmed her immediately. I stepped over to the eye test, and read the top line faster than anybody else I heard that day. Pre-dad Matt would have wanted to read all of the lines just to show off. But, I needed to get out of there fast. I'll just print up an eye chart later, and make my wife hold at varying distances. She won't be able to resist the attraction of my ocular efficiency.

I paid, and then signed. We stepped over to the camera area, ("I want to put my feet on the feet marks!") and took the shot. You can tell I'm a little distracted, but that's probably an accurate photo if there ever was one. Also, I look like a werewolf. But hey, if somebody is looking at my license, they're probably not too concerned with how I look. They're more concerned that I don't underage drink, or attempt to attack their country. (No promises, Micronesia! I will have my revenge!)

I tossed on their hats & coats, and proceeded out the door. 35 minutes of primarily sitting quietly has never gone so well. I anticipated chairs being tipped over, and crayons thrown but these two handled themselves well. I treated them to that place next door with the sandwich on it: Subway.

More punishment for me. It couldn't have been a Jimmy John's?