Nurture Shock: Well worth it

Speaking of books. I read this one for book club at our school a little while ago. Can I say that I read it if I actually listened to it on I-pod while running? Am I crossing any lines?

It’s called Nurture Shock, New Thinking About Children: by Po Bryson and Ashley Merriman

The premise is one that needs to be banged into the heads of everyone with baby making parts. We don’t know how to raise children just because we have children. The only thing that we "just have" is a need to nurture and protect our kids. That’s about as far as the parenting instinct goes. Everything else we have to learn!

It’s hysterical (in a disastrous sort of way) that we’ve gone to the moon, we’ve cloned sheep, our progress in communication is insane, but we’re only just figuring out why babies like to play with our faces when we talk to them.

OK, practical use example: First chapter was concerned with praise. No problems there, I praise my kids constantly. "Good job… you’re so smart… that’s the best picture of a pig that I’ve ever seen." It builds their confidence, etc… Then they gave some symptoms of a child that’s been praised in the “wrong” way.

Wrong way? Is there a wrong way to praise?

…a child may ease into a pattern of giving up when things get tough.

Whoa! That’s my son! That’s something we’d been working on.

Each section follows the same basic pattern: Someone had a theory, here’s how they tested it, here’s what they found. No preaching, just here it is. I read/ listened, changed the way that I did a few things, in the most minor way, and our problem turned around.

I never would have made the connection between his problem and the way we gave praise. If anything, my thinking was, confidence problem = much, much more praise.

But someone out there had made the connection. They just didn’t tell me about it!

That’s the aim of the book, to arm us with current, relevant, well-explained science about the way that we parent, and why kids do some of the things that they do. It’s information that’s out there, but that gets stuck in some academic journal somewhere and never makes it to moms and dads. This book pulls it together and puts it out there for us.

They explain tests and trials and results on things like:

Why do kids lie to us?

Why are siblings 7 times worse to each other that they are to anyone else?

Is the concept of “colorblindness,” when it comes to race, backfiring?

How is diversity in schools working out?

Is taking an argument between parents out of the room the best thing to do?

And… could a lack of sleep be responsible for childhood obesity, ADHD, changes in mood and lowered IQ? (Best chapter in the book)

Don’t expect a “here’s what you should do,” section at the end of each chapter though. Like I said, it’s all about the science. The pitch is more like here’s what we’re figuring out, do what you want with it.

Disclaimer: If you’re going to get it from I-tunes, preview it first. The guy’s voice is a bit annoying.